Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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