everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
