My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
