I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
