I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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