wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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