sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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