his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
