Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
