i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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