happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
