do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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