I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize