i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
