I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize