ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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