Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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