is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
