Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
