don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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