I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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