I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
