Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
