dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm passing your future prison.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
