You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
