I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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