New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
