I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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