the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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