Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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