My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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