So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
