there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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