The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
