How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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