Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
