If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
