Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
