You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I could fuck to npr.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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