nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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