I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
