I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
