I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
