I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
