i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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