Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
