i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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