Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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