Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
