And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
