he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize