I got chris browned last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
