she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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