I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
