Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
