rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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