Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
