I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
this is an emotional support booty call
The power of my boobs compel you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
