i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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