He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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