You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
