It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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