let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
