for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
