Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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