i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
