Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
