just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
