We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
