I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
