You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The dick lei will go down in squad history
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
