I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
