Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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