I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
