Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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