Apparently you make a good broom.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
