I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
