did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
