a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
