I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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