don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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