it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
