Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
