Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
