it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
