You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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