I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
