The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
