you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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