My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
