just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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