I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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