So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
