So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize