i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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