.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
