well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
