OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
