who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
