I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
honey bunches of taint.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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