I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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