Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize