The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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